Category: Fanboy

The Siege of Gondor.


“Great engines crawled across the field; and in the midst was a huge ram,
great as a forest-tree a hundred feet in length, swinging on mighty chains…Grond they named it, in the memory of the Hammer of the Underworld of old.” At long last, some new Return of the King images (via E3) have made it online. Looks like Gandalf the White will have his work cut out for him on the ramparts of Minas Tirith. Update: The official site releases a slew of pics too, including Aragorn in battle regalia and Sam with the light of Earendil.

Matrix 2.0.

So after two viewings of The Matrix: Reloaded, I have to say I liked it quite a bit better than some of the early negativity had suggested (although I’m glad I lowered my expectations.) [BIG SPOILERS TO FOLLOW.] To be sure, the first forty minutes of the film, including everything that takes place in Zion, is almost unwatchable. We’re talking Attack of the Clones bad. What with the ponderous soap opera interludes (especially the Jada Pinkett Smith love triangle, the fresh-faced kid recruit, and Link’s worried homefront wife…please), the big, goofy Bacardi Silver commercial (“Your night just got a lot more interesting”), and the mere sight of Councillor Anthony “Straight to Video” Zerbe strolling around in Federation hand-me-downs (why didn’t they just let Cornel West handle that part?), I could understand why Joey Pants (Cypher) decided to pull a Benedict Arnold in the first film. If I had a choice (which, given half of the lecturing in this film, is an open question, I guess) between wearing my sunglasses at night and styling in the Matrix or being forced to join the Matthew McConaughey memorial drum circle every Friday evening at Zion central, I might just cut a deal with the Man too.

But, right about the time Neo gets a call from the Oracle and reenters the Matrix in Chinatown (right under the hard-to-miss Heineken sign), the film finally starts to find its rhythm. Sure, there’s still a lot of overwrought “check out the big brains on us” grandstanding by the Wachowskis [we get philosophy lessons along the way from both a sleazy French existentialist (the Merovingian) and a perfectionist Freud-like (God)father figure (the Architect)], but if you don’t like a little pop psychology with your kick-ass kung-fu, then why exactly are you in line to see a sequel to The Matrix? Alas, Neo and Trinity still don’t really work as an onscreen couple, but most of the action setpieces are breathtaking (particularly the highway chase and truck fight…in the midst of all the new characters showing up, it’s nice to see the Agents still getting their due.) And as expected, Hugo Weaving is just wicked good fun as Agents Smith…they steal every scene they’re in. Finally, though it took me a second viewing to catch everything that was going on, the final meeting with the Architect made for a nice end-of-film twist that’s more inventive than where I’d originally feared they were going with the storyline (i.e., the “real world” is also part of the Matrix, just like every Freddy Krueger/David Lynch movie you’ve ever seen.) So, despite the egregious first act, I have to say I came out of Reloaded with a smile on my face, and am looking forward to seeing what November’s Revolutions has to offer, starting with this special trailer from the Enter the Matrix game. Hopefully, the third film will see a lot less of As the Zion Turns and a little more of the lovely Monica Bellucci….Silly Neo, don’t you know an upgrade when you see one?

That was naughty.

The new trailer for The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is now online. Given how well X2 turned out, my money’s now on this one to be the big Tomb Raider-esque stinker of the 2003 summer. It’s a pity…I like Stephen Norrington (Blade was solid B-movie fun), but this project had Terry Gilliam or Tim Burton written all over it.

It is close now, so close.


After months of relative silence, finally some movement on the LOTR tip. Regarding the Two Towers extended edition, some possible scenes with Boromir and Faramir leak out (I’d heard these were filmed, but, this report still reads like wishful thinking.) Also, it appears a WETA statue of Gollum will replace the Argonath in the mega-special edition. As for Return of the King, the rough cut of the film is purportedly four hours and twenty minutes long and staying that way. (Again, this seems like wishful thinking, but given how much ground in TTT still needs to be covered, I’d think ROTK would have to clock in at least four.) Morover, new Sam and Frodo toys reveal a sequence I thought for sure they’d cut, and finally one other random (and possibly dubious) source mentioned this exchange at TORN: The Mistress has had a very interesting chat with a source at Miramax, who says that Cold Mountain will be pushed back to 2004. The official reason will be that “the climate is not right” for a movie whose central character is a deserter. Unofficially, Harvey Weinstein has seen a rough cut of Return of the King (he is an Executive Producer) and says that it is “unstoppable” as a Best Picture winner. Unstoppable…I like the sound of that. Update: More TTT-EE and ROTK spoilers from Movie Insider Magazine, including confirmation of Boromir in TTT, talk of a longer Frodo-Sam Osgiliath fight scene and some ruminations on the Grey Havens. Don’t read this if you haven’t read the books. Update 2: TORN.Net kills the 4hr-20min. rumor, but softens the blow by offering up MAJOR spoilers about Saruman, Sauron, and Grima and a pic of Frodo in the lair of…um, you know.

The Matrix: Revealed.

What is Richard Corliss thinking? In a spoiler-filled article that’s more synopsis than review, TIME gives away the ending to Reloaded. I haven’t read the entire piece (since I’d rather not know), but scanned enough of it to see Corliss was breaking the plot down point-by-point. I expect this lame behavior in fanboy chatrooms, but in TIME? A bad call and a bad precedent…I hope the magazine – and Corliss – catch some flak for this.