Via The Onion, Child Who Just Lost Balloon Begins Lifelong Battle With Depression. “‘Come back,’ added the toddler who will never feel entirely happy or normal again.”
And in related news and in honor of the impending Snowquester: Winter Storm Rocky Expected To Hit Kevin Hodges Of Joliet, IL Hardest After The Year He’s Had. “He looks like a real sad piece of s**t. Stay warm out there, Jordan.”