When you die, you see The Ring. Ok, well, you might see 2 Rings. Or maybe just the teaser for The Ring 2. Alright, you got me…I have no idea what you’ll see.
Tag: Cinema
World Gone Wrong.
Well, admittedly writer-director Kerry Conran’s Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow — which I finally caught on Sunday afternoon — doesn’t look much like a film shot in a tiny blue room, but, lordy, it sure as heck feels like it. Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, Michael Gambon…they’re all fine enough in other situations. But, alas, pretty much everyone here, with the possible exceptions of Giovanni Ribisi, Bai Ling (who doesn’t speak), and the dead Lawrence Olivier, have contracted Portmanitis, and what considerable acting chops they usually possess have been sucked into the CGI machines and spat back out as a deathly dull flatness.
I don’t blame the cast, though. Because, however pretty the movie looks on occasion, the upshot is Sky Captain is as terribly written as Stephen Sommer’s ghastly Van Helsing this past summer. Seriously, this film makes zero sense whatsoever – the scenes of robots, planes, flying carriers, etc. just pile up on each other with no underlying sense of plot or development. Meanwhile, Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow are forced to deliver C-movie boilerplate that would’ve seem dated in Buster Crabbe’s day. I know we’ve reached an age where visual effects technology can spruce up even the lamest of tales, but still…I just don’t understand how a script this bad makes it out of Quality Control.
Perhaps to compensate for the wooden script, Conran packs his film chock-full of genre homages and fanboy cues, and one would think these would help alleviate the boredom. But, to be honest, they came so thick and so hamhandedly that even I, who usually has a high tolerance for this type of in-joke, started to feel beaten down by them. Oh, look, Metropolis, The Iron Giant, Office 1138, the SS Venture, Indy, Dagobah, Shangri-La as Rivendell…no, wait, Naboo…by the end of it, Sky Captain seemed less a full-fledged film than a 120 minute attempt to impress Harry Knowles. (Apparently, it worked. Harry is producing Conran’s next film (sigh), A Princess of Mars.)
As with Van Helsing, arguing that Sky Captain is a nod to the serials of the 1930’s is really no excuse. So was Raiders of the Lost Ark or even a B-movie like Big Trouble in Little China, and they held together a lot better than this overstuffed claptrap. In sum, the view out Sky Captain’s cockpit may be oh-so-pretty and genrefied, but the story here is strictly World of Yesterday.
The Movie Elrond doesn’t want you to see.
“On a bright sunny day at the end of the Third Age of Middle Earth, a new unelected king was crowned. His name? Aragorn, son of Arathorn. How did it all happen? Was it all just a dream? I mean, it looked real enough. The guys with the pointed ears were there, the short guys with beards were there, even those weird little hobbit guys were there. Who were these people, this elitist group of carnival freaks who wanted to control the fate of Middle Earth?” I can’t say I much agree with its politics, and the same basic joke was made in this McSweeney’s piece last year. Still, the Michael Moore parody Fellowship 9/11 is for the most part pretty clever, and worth watching…if nothing else than to see a mean Brad Dourif impression and to hear Gandalf the Grey croon “Let the Eagle Soar.”
It’s Alive!
The Force.Net obtains a teaser description for Revenge of the Sith, and it sounds like Lucas isn’t holding back on the Big Moment. Major spoilers, I guess, but you’ll be seeing this teaser in theaters next month anyway, most likely with The Incredibles.
Last Son of Krypton.
Watching the Detectives.
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When I first heard that David Russell’s I Heart Huckabees was billing itself as an “existential comedy,” I cringed. At the very least it sounded pretentious, and the last Naomi Watts film I saw about interconnected nothingness — 21 Grams — turned out to be a dog’s breakfast. But, given the cast and David Russell, I remained intrigued, and gave it a go on Wednesday. As it turns out, Huckabees is actually pretty solid — fitful and a bit meandering, sure, but still a pleasant, funny, and decently thought-provoking night at the movies.
Russell gets special points for making both his bizarre tale and his philosophical digressions easy and entertaining to follow. — unlike, say, Waking Life, you never feel like you’re getting battered over the head with coffee-house theory. Albert (Jason Schwartzman) is an embattled young environmental activist who enlists the aid of “existential detectives” Bernard and Vivian (Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin) to ascertain the cosmic reasons behind a seemingly random coincidence involving a tall Sudanese immigrant (Ger Duany). After further research, our detective duo discover Albert’s plight probably also involves Huckabees corporate cog Brad (Jude Law, with a lousy American accent) and Brad’s girlfriend and Huckabees spokesmodel Dawn (Naomi Watts, ditto.) All the while, Albert and his “Other” — petroleum-despising fireman Tommy (Mark Wahlberg) — have begun to doubt the meaning of it all and are inexorably falling under the sway of Caterine Vauban (Isabelle Huppert), a french nihilist to do Lebowski proud.
Got all that? Well, like I said, it makes more sense on the screen than it does on the page (or, um, computer screen, well you get it.) For the most part, particularly in the early going, Huckabees is jaunty and whimsical. Albert and Tommy’s visit to the god-fearing Hooten household (Jean Smart and Richard Jenkins) is particularly funny. (And, perhaps surprisingly given the cast here, Mark Wahlberg steals every scene he’s in.) But, I’ll admit, as the film wore on, there were times when I began to doubt its infinite nature. I thought some of the visual playfulness (“blanket-vision,” or the godawful-creepy Jude Madonna) fell flat, and I found my attention wandering during the final act. Still, all in all, I’d recommend the film with some reservations…You may not heart Huckabees by the end, but you’ll more than likely be entertained by it. I give it two-parts blanket, one-part void.
Voice of Trillian.
Zooey Deschanel checks in to discuss progress on The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, probably my most eagerly awaited fanboy film of next summer (and, yes, unfortunately, I’m counting Episode III and FF.)
Indiana Jones and the Bus of Jethro.
Now here’s a strange cultural artifact…Harrison Ford appears as Jethro the Snoop-talkin’ Bus Driver for this extremely low-budget snowboarding film, Water to Wine. Bizarre as this is, I think it might just have been more entertaining than Random Hearts.
Lemony Snicket, Sour Byck.
In today’s movie bin, a post-Eternal Sunshine Jim Carrey returns to hamming it up in the full trailer for Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, and Sean Penn (with the aid of 21 Grams co-star Naomi Watts and Don Cheadle) resurrects Samuel Byck (also featured in Stephen Sondheim’s Assassins) in the international teaser for The Assassination of Richard Nixon.
Nihilists, Dude.
Perhaps John Woo can take a cue from the Coens…By way of Quiddity, it’s Masters of the Universe meets The Big Lebowski, and it appears Skeletor was a founding member of Autobahn. Pretty profane, Dude, and unsafe for work.