Irkutsk from Yakutsk…

Ok, I’ll take a card. The teaser for Oliver Stone’s Alexander hits the web and, while I generally enjoy Oliver Stone movies, this look doesn’t differentiate the film from Troy, King Arthur, or any other recent Gladiator meets RotK-CGI type flick. Uh oh.

From Greeks to Goblet.

With Prisoner of Azkhaban right around the corner, casting continues for Mike Newell’s Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. And for Year 4, the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher — Mad-Eye Moody — will be Brendan Gleeson, most recently seen as Menelaus in Troy. I like it.

Requiem for Felix.

Politically outspoken against Republicans, he joked that although he hoped his funeral would be attended by far-flung dignitaries that his friends should bar President Bush and Vice President Cheney from entrance ‘because everyone knew how much I hated them.’R.I.P. Tony Randall 1920-2004. He was one of those guys who seemed like he’d be around forever. Man, that’s just depressing.

Bowling for Dubya.

So the word emerging from Cannes on Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 is very positive so far. I’m very curious to see what kind of reaction this film will get stateside, once the distribution situation has been resolved. Hopefully, it’ll end up doing more than just preaching to the converted in arthouses across America, as it sounds like it has the potential to be very big.

Freaks and Greeks.

Well, with Wolfgang Petersen, Tyler Durden, Eric Bana, Brian Cox, Brendan Gleeson, and Sean Bean, among others, I had high hopes beforehand that Troy would be the gem of this summer movie season, a film that built on LotR‘s recent success in using solid ensemble acting and state-of-the-art technology to bring classic works of epic literature to the screen as never before. Alas, those hopes have been dashed on the plains of battle like so many CGI Greeks. To be fair, though, Troy may not be one for the ages — in fact, it’s probably only a very small step above the Gladiator movies frequented by Captain Peter Graves in Airplane! — but I’d say it’s still a reasonably entertaining two and a half hours, as summer movies go, and a far cry better than last week’s monstrous Van Helsing, once you lower your expectations suitably.

I only knew the Edith Hamilton cliffnotes-version of the The Iliad coming into Troy (I know, I know, it’s on my summer reading list), so the many changes to the story, such as the fates of Menelaus and Agamemnon, the removal of the Gods, or the addition of the equestrian ending, honestly didn’t weigh on me all that much. Still, I knew enough to find myself waiting for the next shoe to drop through almost every scene of this almost three-hour movie, which I’d say reflects pretty badly on the film here. It’s well-made, to be sure, and it’s got great production values, although even I’m starting to sour on ridiculously-large-CGI-army fighting at this point (I think you hear me knocking, King Arthur.) One would think that a movie based on The Iliad should be at least somewhat enthralling, but I found myself detached and slightly distracted during much of the film. More than anything else, give or take the occasional monologue or well-executed mano a mano, Troy just felt long.

Is it the actors’ fault? No, I don’t think so…more the wooden dialogue. Still, the acting is hit or miss. Brad Pitt tries hard here, but frankly he could make 100 more movies and he’d still always remind me of Tyler Durden now. Similarly, it’s hard not to think of Legolas when Orlando Bloom, mostly convincing as pretty-boy Paris, starts showing off the archery skills again. As Agamemnon, Brian Cox is more hammy and over the top here than he was in The Ring and X2 combined – it’s like he’s channeling Anthony Hopkins in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. On the opposing side, Peter O’Toole adds a touch of class as King Priam of Troy, although with his goofy mane, gaunt cheekbones, and still-piercing blue eyes, I spent most of the movie remarking to myself his now-eerie resemblance to Berkeley. And Brendan Gleeson and Sean Bean, Menelaus and Odysseus respectively, don’t have all that much to do (pending the sequel, of course.) As it turns out, the standout performance turns out to be Eric Bana, who, despite having an Aussie accent quite unlike that of his brother Paris, shows much more personality and verve here than he did in The Hulk or Black Hawk Down. (Hector’s still no Chopper, though.)

In sum, Troy is a decent summer movie, I guess…probably more worth seeing than any other studio flick this side of Eternal Sunshine. But, given the quality of the source material and the money being spent here, it really had the potential to be a good deal more than just an intermittently engaging sword-and-sandal flick. That it’s not feels like a letdown, no matter how Troy works as two hours of escapism. So, as Homer himself might’ve put it, “D’oh!”

Forthcoming Issues / Darth Awakens.

AICN reports some (somewhat dubious) rumors on a slew of comic book sequels, including Hellboy 2, Spiderman 3, and X3/X4. Also in the sequel department, Episode 3 — now apparently titled Rise of the Empire — gets the Latham Film treatment. (They previously made the Hobbit and RotK fan teasers, although this one, frankly, isn’t quite up to snuff.)

Hell boy.

Also new today is the first teaser for Constantine. Everything about this trailer looks pretty solid, except, alas, for the title character. I’m not a Keanu-hater by any means, but he’s not playing John Constantine here, not even close. Constantine is a hard-drinking, chain-smoking, trenchcoat-wearing Brit. Keanu is, well, Keanu. The differences are palpable.

Prisoner’s Dilemma.

The ten minute preview of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkhaban, shown Sunday night on ABC, is now online. Not much to see here…all of the actual scenes shown look like a vast improvement over the Chris Columbus outings, but there’s a lot of filler to wade through first.