On Wrongs Swift Vengeance Waits.

The new trailer for V for Vendetta is now online. This premiered at BNAT 7 last week and got universally great reviews from the AICN fanboys, most of whom know their Moore…but, frankly, I’m not really feeling the “Matrix with knives” angle of this trailer, and John Hurt seems like he’s overdoing it.

Aslan Walks.


Sorry, R. Kelly…four children trapped in the closet isn’t what you think. It’s Andrew Adamson’s long-awaited version of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, which opened today. I was a Middle Earth kid growing up — I only read the Narnia books once, and I don’t even think I read them all. Still, the movie mostly accords with my memories and impressions of C.S. Lewis’s world. The film isn’t nearly as resonant as PJ’s Rings trilogy, and it’s also much more obviously aimed at kids. But those hold true for Lewis’s tomes as well, and if nothing else Adamson has provided us with a faithful, A-list adaptation of an enduring classic of children’s literature.

The story is thus: The four Pevensie children, sent to the labyrinthine country manor of their professor uncle in order to escape the Nazi bombing of London, encounter within a wardrobe-shaped portal to the magical realm of Narnia. This faerie land, they soon discover, has fallen into a century-long winter due to the machinations of the White Witch (Tilda Swinton, deliciously evil), who now rules with an iron fist (or, alternatively, a velvet glove laden with Turkish Delight.) And the many bizarre residents and talking animals in the land speak not only of a suspiciously Christian lion running around (Liam Neeson in mentor mode) but of a Prophecy involving two Sons of Adam and two Daughters of Eve, who will show up to free Narnia from the witch’s influence. This would be all well and good, but young Edmund Pevensie (Skandar Keynes) just can’t seem to get on board with the program…

I’m not going to give away the whole story, suffice to say that everything culminates in an arch-Christian sacrifice and, as back in London, a big battle for the fate of the world (one dominated on both sides by splendid WETA creations, even if all the centaurs began to remind me more of Xanth than Narnia.) Plus, the Pevensies each learn to grapple with their various fears, which is my only real quibble with the movie: The kids are all fine actors (particularly Keynes and Georgie Henley as Lucy, the youngest), but, Edmund excepted, they’re given burdensome character arcs that feel grafted on by Hollywood screenwriters. (Also, while I’m complaining, some of the FX — particularly Rupert Everett’s Fox — are noticeably worse than the rest.)

As for the Christian allegory…well, it’s like Yoda‘s tree: You’ll find in the film only what you take with you. (Indeed, the same goes for Frodo.) Adamson doesn’t shy away from the Aslan-as-Jesus stuff, but he doesn’t wallow in it either, and I suspect it’ll fly over the heads of the movie’s target audience in any case (as it did for me when I first read the book.) But, don’t fret, right-wingers — there are explicit nods to conservative values in the film: Mr. & Mrs. Beaver seem not to mind in the slightest that the Pevensies wear gimongous fur coats in their home, and that interminable pagan Santa shows up to give the children (Narnia-)assault weapons for Christmas. That being said, a public service announcement for any children who happen to come by this site: Stay in school, don’t do drugs, and, whatever this movie seems to suggest, don’t ever accept teatime invitations from strangers, and particularly bare-chested strangers with cloven hooves.

Aeon Aeoff.


Ok, Aeon Flux is obviously a bad, bad movie. But, I was surprised to discover the other day that, for maybe about a quarter of its run, it wasn’t all that bad an Aeon Flux movie. I’m not recommending it, mind you…Lordy, no. But there are flashes here and there which approached the psychotropic weirdness of Peter Chung’s 2-minute cartoons on MTV’s Liquid Television back in the day (which is all I ever saw of the Aeonverse.) If you’re the type of person who enjoyed, say, Equilibrium, there’s a good bet you might find yourself watching this some Saturday afternoon on TNT and wondering why.

Aeon Flux is well-cast, I’ll give it that. Charlize Theron is probably the closest you could get to the spindly assassin of the cartoon, and she’s assuredly easy on the eyes (although her Hitler Hairdo was making me feel ill…still, she’s got nothing on Frances McDormand’s Bad Hair Day here. One has to wonder if the two of them sat around the set of North Country laughing about this gig.) And Pete Postlethwaite and Johnny Lee Miller in particular look like they stepped right out of one of Chung’s animated cels. (Marton Csokas, a.k.a. Celeborn, who plays Trevor Goodchild, Aeon’s mark, is neither here nor there…he rightly seems somewhat embarrassed to be in the movie.)

Nevertheless, all the hefty acting talent on display here doesn’t add up to much. From the costumes to the set design to the quick-edit fight scenes to the gamy sci-fi-topical script, Aeon Flux basically looks and feels like your average Away Team episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. This movie cost $60 million? Where did all that money go? Clearly not towards the production values — I mean, The Island flopped too, but at least that film looked expensive. Well, guess the catering must’ve been awesome. At any rate, as you already knew, Flux is thoroughly lousy. Still, I have to concede that the first 30 minutes or so were ever-so-slightly better than my abominable expectations.

The Real McCoy? / Snikt.

From Beauty and the Beast to a Beast of a different color, USA Today posts some stills from X3, including one of Kelsey Grammer in costume. I for one never imagined Beast as an irate leprechaun. Update: The brand-new teaser for Ratner’s X3: The Last Stand (Yep, that appears to be the title) is now online. Keep an eye out for Juggernaut and Callisto (also both in the official photo gallery), Dark Phoenix hangin’ with Magneto’s crew (the Brotherhood), and what looks to be a fastball special.

Ape is Enough.

Big doings for a Monday morning: Through a fortuitous series of events and two hours of toe-freezing waiting outside, I just got back from a critic’s showing of Peter Jackson’s King Kong over at the Loews on 68th St. (As an aside, the screening was run terribly– From the color-coded seating to the random security lines, everything was organized just enough to unnecessarily complicate everything and to reward bad behavior.) But let’s get down to brass tacks here: How much for the ape? Well, in essence PJ’s King Kong is the Mother of All B-Films — the Skull Island action sequences are spectacular, Kong’s adventures in New York seem appropriately mythic, the special effects throughout (particularly the Great Ape himself) are mind-blowing…Without a doubt, Kong is one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. That being said, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the film has some serious pacing problems, particularly in the first hour, and at times I thought it seemed almost too reverent of its source material. At the very least, Kong, while definitely a Wonder of the World and no mistake, could have benefited from some minor grooming.

Fortunately, many of the most glaring missteps in Kong occur relatively early on. The film begins very auspiciously with a choice montage of Depression-Era New York, during which we’re introduced to beautiful young vaudevillian Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) and, soon thereafter, director-on-the-make Carl Denham (Jack Black) and his long-suffering assistant (Colin Hanks). From here throughout, both Watts and Black are excellent — One would never think Watts was interacting with anything less than a grotesquely large primate in the scenes to come, and Black is surprisingly good and unobtrusive as Denham, even if there are a few too many shots of him…slowly…turning…to look at…something huge, amazing, and/or ghastly.

That being said, after the opening, the film slows to a crawl for a good 30-40 minutes, as Denham, Darrow, & co. wend their way to Skull Island about the S.S. Venture. Frankly, I was reminded a lot of the first hour of The Matrix Reloaded during this sequence — There’s nothing as flat-out embarrassing as the Bacardi Silver rave here, but there is a lot of hamfisted expository dialogue masking as character development. Particularly egregious in this regard is everything involving the ship’s First Mate (Evan Parke) and a young stowaway (Jamie Bell) he’s taken under his wing. Frankly, this whole subplot is a mistake — It’s laden with stilted groaners (the digression on Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, for example) and comes off as cliche-ridden as the tough general and his fresh-faced recruit in that other Matrix film.

Fortunately, right around the time the Venture loses steam, the film starts picking some up. The run-in with the natives is rather creepy in PJ fashion, although, once again, it could use some tightening — We only need one slo-mo Bad Taste-ish zoom to a human skull and one frightening Zombified Skull Islander in the throes of an epileptic seizure…but PJ gives us four or five of each. Still, when Kong first rumbles out of the jungle to acquire his new sacrificial plaything, the film starts to gather the hurtling momentum that’ll characterize most of the rest of its run.

And, indeed, the rollicking next hour of the film is, for the most part, Jurassic Park on ‘roids. Throughout the Skull Island tour (which includes many death-defying stops and Shelob-esque reveals), Peter Jackson and the WETA gang really let their freak flag fly, and the fun here is infectious. This is a monster movie maven at the top of his game, and some of the sequences here — most notably Kong vs three T-Rexes — are jaw-droppingly (or jaw-rippingly, as the case may be) spectacular. I don’t want to give away some of the twists and turns in this middle chapter…but, if you’re not really enjoying the heck out of this hour of the film (even despite some of the less-plausible deux-ex-machinas involved), I’m not sure why you went to see Kong in the first place.

Of course, the story returns to New York in the final hour, when Denham brings his newly-acquired Eighth Wonder of the World to the Great White Way. (Look for the now somewhat-unfortunate cameo by Howard Shore, doing what he might well have done best…To be honest, the James Newton Howard score sounded mostly like incidental music. If there was a “Kong theme,” I didn’t catch it on first viewing.) And, at this point, the film forsakes the mayhem of its middle hour to bask in the Gothic-in-Gotham resonance of the Kong mythos. There are some really beautiful moments here in the final act, although I do have some quibbles: The timing of night and day makes very little sense, and streets seem to clear of fear-stricken bystanders at the most opportune times for Kong and his ladyfriend. (Then again, we are talking about a 25-foot ape here, so perhaps I should just shut up and suspend the disbelief.) Also, there’s a scene in Central Park here that I expect will divide audiences — particularly fanboy audiences — down the middle. I found it somewhat touching, but I also couldn’t help imagining Kong & Ann visiting Coney Island and/or partaking of a Gray’s Papaya while they’re at it. “Something tells me I’m into something good…”

And, then, of course, we end atop the Empire State. At this point, you’re either with the movie or you’re not, and I was definitely moved by Kong’s last act. That being said, I can also see the argument that some folks made of Return of the King being made here…the last few scenes are exquisite and heartfelt, but they’re also just ever-so-slightly redundant. You can forgive PJ being a trifle indulgent here, I think — this is the big payoff, not only the culmination of a three-hour viewing experience but the most memorable moment in his favorite movie of all time. That being said, I have to admit that at a certain point, as the biplanes went around for yet another pass and Kong looked increasingly miserable, that the horrible cynic in me noted this was somewhat akin to watching a remake of Citizen Kane with a fifteen-minute sled scene.

I was also somewhat reminded of Old Yeller in the closing moments, which — it must be said — speaks for how amazing PJ, WETA, and Andy Serkis’ King Kong turned out to be. In fact, this even far outshines their amazing work on Gollum — At no point did I find myself questioning the reality of this Kong, even in the midst of some severe Tyrannosaurus Rex bashing. The Dian Fossey gloss on the relationship between Darrow & Kong helped too — In perhaps the cleverest update of the old Kong, Darrow utilizes a very unique set of skills to bond with the Great Ape. And it’s those scenes — and their other quiet moments together — that are the most memorable aspects of this Kong, which is no small feat given the action flourishes of the second act.

In sum, King Kong is an amazing film, and easily one of the best movies of this year. But, to be fair, it’s also undeniably too indulgent at times, and I think it ultimately fails to achieve the transcendent heights of the Rings trilogy. (But I’ll freely admit to having more of an emotional investment in Tolkien than I do in the original Kong.) At the very least, it’s definitely worth seeing, not only as a world-class monster movie but also as a worthy retelling of one of the cinema’s greatest stories.

The world has changed.

“The message in The Lord of the Rings is, in a way, that the struggle to destroy the evil also destroys the good. The very effort to mobilize against the evil unalterably changes what you’re trying to defend. So at the very end of that trilogy, the heroes — Frodo the Hobbit, Gandalf and Elrond — sail away. They can’t live in this world that they’ve created, because it’s so different from what they started out to defend. It’s a metaphor; Abraham Lincoln didn’t sail away, he was killed, but the world after the Civil War was not Lincoln’s America anymore.” By way of a friend in the program, Columbia’s Eric Foner picks his five most personally influential books, and guess what made the list…

Moore words.

“Watchmen’s whodunit plot was not allowed to kick into gear until late in the day and climaxes with Ozymandias spouting Postmodern art theory in his snowbound eyrie (“phosphor-dot swirls juxtapose; meanings coalesce from semiotic chaos before reverting to incoherence”). Even that old windbag the Silver Surfer might have hung his head in shame.” As its twentieth anniversary approaches, Critic Tom Shone revisits The Watchmen for Slate. Frankly, the piece begins and ends as almost a parody of the too-frequent needlessly contrarian Slate article: “The Watchmen is not as good as you remember!” Next up: “Torture good, Ice Cream bad!” Still, it’s worth reading regardless.

Narnia in Nine.

Warning: Here there be spoilers. From the Battle of Britain to the Battle for Narnia, this new nine minute supertrailer for The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe pretty much walks you through the entire movie. That being said, it does look right nice, and I’m looking forward to more of Tilda Swinton. (Liam Neeson, on the other hand, has done one too many mentor roles by this point.)