The End of All Things.

(But, wait, there’s room for a little more.) I could say that I haven’t posted here in two days because of the increased end-of-year work burden or the recent cable Internet outage at home base, and yes, those both played their part. But, to be honest, I’ve been spending most of my hours since Wednesday afternoon perusing the long-awaited Return of the King: Extended Edition. (Thank you, NYC fanboy underground…strangely enough, I ended up being one of the first to procure the precious, and have thus been answering spoiler-filled queries over at Tolkien Online the past two days.)

So, how is it? As with the FotR:EE and the TTT:EE, the Extended Edition is clearly a better film than the theatrical cut, with richer, denser characterizations, more Tolkien lore, and an improved sense of flow. Whatsmore, to my mind the two biggest problems with the RotK:TE have been rectified: 1) Denethor’s screen time has been doubled, and — while he still doesn’t get his palantir — the Steward is now much more multifaceted and grief-stricken than before. 2) Both Frodo & Sam’s journey through Mordor and the time between Pelennor Fields and the Black Gates have been extended, giving the Land of Shadow much more heft and menace. As you’d expect, there’s lots of great stuff here for fans of the book…Voice of Saruman stands out in particular as a scene laden to the brim with Tolkien’s prose, and such iconic moments as the Crossroads and Sam seeing the star in Mordor now get their rightful due.

That being said, some fans are going to be disappointed by the short shrift given to certain chapters (and by King Elessar’s blatant disregard for the rules of parley.) The Houses of Healing and the Eowyn-Faramir romance are touched on very lightly, and there is NO new footage included after the Crack of Doom. (I’d guess this is probably PJ’s payback to all the “multiple ending” critics, but still, I was very much looking forward to more Grey Havens…particularly more of Frodo’s final words. (“It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: someone has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them.”)

In fact, the extended RotK is the first time I’ve felt that PJ & New Line may be deliberately holding back on some of the choice footage. On the writer-director commentary, PJ admits to not including certain very memorable scenes (the Watchers of Cirith Ungol, the various weddings and epilogues) in this cut for “pacing reasons” (?), and that perhaps they’ll show up on the “25th anniversary” version. I don’t want to ascribe nefarious motives to the guy after all he’s done to create these amazing films, but this sounds to me suspiciously like a ploy to sell some HD-DVD box sets in a few years.

But, still, that’s the ring talking. All in all, RotK:EE, like its predecessors, is a wonderful gift to the fans of Tolkien and Middle Earth. And, although we have come now to the end, these three DVD sets (which look great on the shelf together) will now live on forever as a beacon of hope to fandom.

Toyz in the Hood.

Damn, it feels good to be a scoundrel…By way of the slightly relocated Lots of Co., and because the world demanded it, here’s an amateur Geto Boys video (“Mind Playin’ Tricks on Me”) done with Star Wars figures. As you’d probably expect, some harsh language herein, so keep the sound down in your workplace.

Hope is kindled.

“Like the first two ‘Rings’ DVDs, the extended ‘ROTK’ isn’t just for obsessives. It’s a flat-out better movie than the one that swept the Oscars. It’s more emotionally generous and, despite the extra girth, more brisk and exciting.” Along with visiting the set of Kong, Newsweek gushes over the RotK:EE, due out in the next few weeks (Officially, Dec. 14…unofficially, we’ll see.) Speaking of which, the official site is supposed to be releasing a new clip sometime today, so keep an eye on the palantir for it. Update: It’s up…including some choice new stuff from the Crossroads and the journey through Mordor. Update 2: Most of the parley with the Mouth of Sauron is now also available for download…he’s a right rotten bastid, ain’t he?

The Doom of Man.

No, that’s not a fanboy conventioner…it’s the first pic of Julian McMahon in full Dr. Doom regalia to make it online. Oof, I must say, Fantastic Four is starting to look like an absolute disaster. Elsewhere in comic film news, the full trailer for Batman Begins will apparently premiere in front of Ocean’s Twelve next month.

Stay on Target.

Empires collide as the Dark Lord of the Sith shills for Target (with Heidi Klum). Given that Star Wars was memorialized on Burger King glasses over 25 years ago, it seems a little late to bemoan the saga’s commercialization. Still, this makes it even harder to imagine Episode III as anything but another disappointment.

Heir to the Empire.

In case you couldn’t find it for some reason last week, the Episode III trailer is now officially available. And, if you’re looking for more SW news, Lucasfilm has also released the first film image of General Grievous, a.k.a. the new and goofily named Big Bad that was supposed to be voiced by Gary Oldman.

Spiky Wheels and Sith Lords.

In somewhat related news, a number of RotK:EE screencaps turn up online, including new and spoiler-filled looks at Voice of Saruman and the Mouth of Sauron. And, along the same lines, some official Episode III pics are released, perhaps to offset this extremely spoiler-laden review of the final installment. Update: The official official Ep. III teaser poster gets out, and, well, it’s kinda lame.