It Starts Young.

“Sources indicated that upon seeing the balloon disappear behind a line of trees, Tremont began to grapple for the first time with the same feelings of irreversible loss and guilt that will eventually prevent him from enjoying activities he once loved and cause him to become utterly despondent in the face of a seemingly hostile world.”

Via The Onion, Child Who Just Lost Balloon Begins Lifelong Battle With Depression. “‘Come back,’ added the toddler who will never feel entirely happy or normal again.”

And in related news and in honor of the impending Snowquester: Winter Storm Rocky Expected To Hit Kevin Hodges Of Joliet, IL Hardest After The Year He’s Had. “He looks like a real sad piece of s**t. Stay warm out there, Jordan.”

The Other Veal Pen.

Do you still hear them, Clarice? By way of Dangerous Meta, Two minutes of goats screaming like humans. I can’t tell how many of these are dubbed, if any, but very funny regardless.

Update: The screaming goats’ fifteen minutes continues with a special duet with T-Swift.

You Had One Job!

You Had One Job!: A collection of some of the funnier iterations of this particular meme. Seems like you could get sizable mileage out of this one in the political department also.

Sidekicks / Top Dog.

“You don’t snuggle Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris snuggles you. Hard. Like a superhero. If superheros liked snuggles (which they do, but only Chuck Norris is man enough to admit it). Chuck Norris’ foster mom once threw a tennis ball for him, and he brought back three tennis balls. Chuck Norris eats raw hides made from velociraptors in his spare time.”

The world’s coolest hound (and no, I’m not talking about any old affenpinscher) is not on the market. But if you’re looking for a canine companion, you could probably do worse than Chuck Norris. “Chuck Norris understands and approves of occasionally hanging out in a crate to protect the rest of the world from the power of his amazing…Chuck Norris invented the army crawl. Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.”

It’s Spock!!! Do You Care?!?

Well? Do you?!?

RAAAAAAGE.

By way of my friend Alex of Tropics of Meta, the people in movies losing their s**t supercut, including everything from Charles Foster Kane’s slow burn to Jerry Lundegaard’s impotent ice-scraping rage from Fargo. NSFW if you don’t have earplugs, and highly cathartic if/when you find yourself of similar mind — which, this year, has been all too often.

The Hero We Deserve.

It’s safe to say that I haven’t been in a happy place much this year, so all the more reason why I’m glad I finally stumbled on Louie. Most of the world is familiar with Louis CK’s schtick by now, but basically he’s a sad-sack Woody Allen with a serious vulgarian streak, or Larry David if he was much filthier, more capable of empathy, and more resigned to his fate. As Alan Sepinwall put it, “it’s either the saddest funny show I’ve ever seen or the funniest sad show.” There’s definitely darkness in the Comedy Cellar — Highly recommended. (FWIW, I’m only caught up through the first two seasons.)

Frightening, right? I’m highly agnostic, but still. In the fury of the moment, you can see the Master’s hand…

Tag: Humor