You’re no Ivan Denisovich.

Sure, Reagan did this all the time. Still, it takes either a man whose memory is too wracked by age to be president — or an inveterate liar — to simply make up this kind of story. (See also Reagan.) Apparently, John McCain’s heartwarming tale of the Christian guard in Hanoi, which he related again over the weekend at the mutual kissing of Rick Warren’s ring, was in fact lifted from Solzhenitsyn’s The Gulag Archipelago. (Apparently McCain, and/or his ghostwriters, are fans of the man.) Uh, Senator McCain, did you really feel you had to embellish your time in a Vietnamese prison camp? The situation should speak for itself.

For what it’s worth, McCain is blaming the controversy on “the pro-Obama Dungeons & Dragons crowd.” Well, speaking as a member of the prObama World of Warcraft crowd (really, Senator, you’re dating yourself — again), I should note that the story actually originated with the Freepers several years ago, once the mythical maverick felt the need to start peddling false wares to the nation’s conservative Christians. For shame, Senator.

Update: Forget Solzhenitsyn. According to scholars (via TPM), this tale isn’t from The Gulag Archipelago at all, but rather seems to be a right-wing fairy tale emanating from the likes of Chuck Colson and Jesse Helms.

Good Riddance, Jesse.

Our nation’s been waiting with bated breath for years. But, at long last — Happy B-day, America! — Sen. Jesse Helms has shuffled off this mortal coil. (1921-2008) “Ed Feulner, president of conservative think tank the Heritage Foundation, hailed Helms as ‘one of the most consequential figures of the 20th century.’ ‘Along with Barry Goldwater and Ronald Reagan, he helped establish the conservative movement and became a powerful voice for free markets and free people,’ Feulner wrote.“

Um, yeah. As with Strom’s passing in 2003, it’s worth rereading Hunter S. Thompson’s Nixon obit right about now. “I beat him like a mad dog with mange every time I got a chance, and I am proud of it. He was scum. Let there be no mistake in the history books about that. Richard Nixon was an evil man…Some people will say that words like scum and rotten are wrong for Objective Journalism — which is true, but they miss the point. It was the built-in blind spots of the Objective rules and dogma that allowed Nixon to slither into the White House in the first place.“

Same goes for Helms and the Senate. If, God forbid, the media roll over as they did at Helms’ retirement and try to “Russert-ize” Helms now that the racist, homophobic bastard is finally gone, remember this: He was the worst kind of racebaiting scum and the worst kind of hypocrite. He camouflaged his divisive hatred by slathering it in fake, aw-shucks populism. And he spent his career serving the dictates of the wealthiest and screwing over the good people of North Carolina, white and black. Our nation is a brighter place with his passing. [Helms photo via here.]

His only weakness is a listed crime.

“Shoplifters of the World, unite and take over“…After resigning under strange circumstances last month, former Dubya administration domestic advisor Claude Allen is arrested and charged with felony theft — i.e., shoplifting, with approximately 25 counts involving $5000 worth of merchandise.(His particular con — Refund Fraud.) When I first heard the story, I felt kinda bad for Allen — I mean, couldn’t he get on board with Safavian, Federici, and the other Dubya administration crooks and at least make some Casino Jack-levels of swag?

Then I read a little more about him: A former aide to notorious race-baiter and national embarrassment Jesse Helms (No, not yet), Allen accused Helms rival Jim Hunt in 1984 of connections to “‘queers,’ ‘radical feminists,’ socialists, and unions.” (In Senate testimony in 2003, he claimed — under oath — that by “queers” he meant “odd” people.) Moreover, fiercely pro-life and anti-contraceptive, Allen has been one of the administraton’s foremost advocates of promoting abstinence programs as the sole way to combat the spread of AIDS and other STDS. (“In February [of 2003] a hundred CDC researchers on sexually transmitted diseases were summoned to Washington by HHS deputy secretary Claude Allen for a daylong affair consisting entirely of speakers extolling abstinence until marriage. There were no panels or workshops, just endless testimonials, including one by a young woman calling herself ‘a born-again virgin.’“) Well, while we’re preaching, Mr. Allen, can I get a witness for the Eighth Commandment? Update: Dubya reacts.

Bolton’s got a screw loose.

“There’s no such thing as the United Nations…if the UN secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.” So Dubya has picked John Bolton as our new UN ambassador and, guess what? Yep, he’s a right-wing freakshow. Said avowed UN enemy and former Sen. Jesse Helms (no, not yet) of Bolton: He’s “the kind of man with whom I would want to stand at Armageddon.” Brilliant. (CLW link via BookNotes & Digby) Update: Slate‘s Fred Kaplan has more.

Tag: Jesse Helms