Siege Perilous.

Well, in some other movie Clive Owen would’ve made a really great King Arthur. And he’s definitely very watchable here as the lead in the Jerry Bruckheimer-produced King Arthur. But this project basically feels like a Gladiator meets Tears of the Sun retread, and, aside from the characters’ names, it has very little to do with the Arthurian legend. I’d say the film’s probably better than you’ve heard, but still somewhat disappointing. Workmanlike, but ultimately rather drab.

I must say, I really can’t get my mind around the current trend in epic movie-making. After the wild success of PJ’s LotR, it should be a no-brainer: You can’t tell The Iliad without the gods, and you can’t do justice to the story of King Arthur without sorcerers, enchantments, love triangles or the Holy Grail. Demystify the legend and you end up with…well, I guess you end up with what you have here, which is a lot of grunting and flying arrows and bad hair days along Hadrian’s Wall. Admittedly, I liked the realistic take of a film like The Alamo, but it just seems unnecessary here (particularly when the “realism” portrayed involves 5th century Abu Ghreibs and an Arthur who’s a good 1000 years ahead of the times on the political philosophy front.)

As I said, Clive Owen is pretty solid, though, and he helps his case here as the next James Bond. Keira Knightley is passable given the material, although every time I see her now I can’t help but think of Winona Ryder and a quote by Bilbo Baggins (“I feel thin — sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”) Ioan Gruffudd’s performance as Lancelot was also derailed by my terminal fanboyisms, as I spent most of his screentime trying — and failing — to remove his facial hair and picture him as Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic. And the rest of the knights? Well, they’re a dirty, ragged bunch, but Ray Winstone (of Sexy Beast) and Ray Stevenson stand out as Sir Bors and Sir Deadduck respectively. Mention must also be made of a Tom Waits-voiced Stellan Skarsgard as the Saxon Big Bad, who gets off a quality zinger about Anglo-Saxon interbreeding, and who is the only person who seems to be having any fun in this project.

All in all, I suppose this movie is solid enough if you’re looking for a decently well-done entry in the long line of period war movies we’ve had of late. But, if your thoughts on King Arthur run towards Camelot, the Lady in the Lake, Morgan le Fey, or even the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, you might want to wait for the next iteration of the story (or just go rent Excalibur.)

My Ringdom for a Horse.


Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly…
Reader Jenny from NH passes along this series of pics from Troy (mirrored here), which includes this shot of Sean Bean as Odysseus (who’s been strangely missing from the trailers.) Along the same lines, some new King Arthur images are also up today, including this one of Arthur, Guenivere, and Lancelot (although word is the love triangle has been scrapped.)

Bring out your dead.

Speaking of Ms. Knightley, it’s come to my attention that I’ve been remiss in not blogging the trailer for King Arthur, which happened on the web during the very busy holidays. Hmm…even with the big production values, it’s still kinda got that Very Special Presentation of the History Channel feel to it. (Stellan Skarsgard’s bad hair day doesn’t help.) I fear they’ve screwed this up…they should’ve gone the Magical Merlin & Morgan Le Fey route, Lady of the Lake and all. The world is currently enraptured with Lord of the Rings, and Bruckheimer & Fuqua seem to be still thinking Gladiator. Clive Owen’s got charisma to spare, though…he may be just what the Bond franchise needs.

Brothers and Arms.

Dark Horizons and Dreams (a quality Terry Gilliam fansite) gets the first look at The Brothers Grimm (a.k.a. Heath Ledger and Matt Damon.) I for one am looking forward to seeing the inimitable Jonathan Pryce and the incomparable Monica Bellucci. Also in cinema news, for those of you who shared my confusion over the weekend’s Arthur pics, Clive Owen discusses the film, and why he’s apparently running around in legionnaire’s garb.

King and Coens.


Empire Movies secures a number of pics from two highly awaited projects: The Clive Owen-Keira Knightley King Arthur and the Coen brothers’ remake of The Ladykillers. Tom Hanks looks great in the latter, and it’s the Coens so it’s gotta be good. But what on Earth happened to Guinny? She looks more like Morgan le Fey.